God has me in his hands.
Living in a van doesn’t have to be a big, traumatic thing.
God has me in his hands.
Living in a van doesn’t have to be a big, traumatic thing.
My home is my van. People like me are known as “van dwellers”, and I park at night in a parking lot near the greater Seattle area. People are allowed to park in a parking lot of a church on what is known as the “East Side”, near Seattle. It is on the east side of Washington Lake, the big lake to the east of Seattle. The church is located in the city of Kirkland, near Redmond, close to the 405 freeway. If you look at the map below you can see the city called “Kingsgate” where I hide out a lot in the library, because it’s the best one between Kingsgate and the built-up city of Bellevue, where Bill Gates’ major MicroSoft campus is.
There are three or four more “safe car parking camps” that I am aware of in the state of Washington. The Mayor of Seattle, the one who is being accused of being a former pedophile, made an issue of the homeless crisis a few years back, when he tried to open safe car camps for the homeless, but I don’t know what happened to the ones he was opening. They are not available, but he did go on and try and open emergency crisis shelters, to help get the homeless off the streets. I think the temporary beds were added during some winter months but I’m not sure if they still are, now.
I’m not one for talking much when I’m not sure I want to know someone. I’m not sure I would want to meet the people who camp at the car camp like me. They are a rag-tag looking bunch who seem to not move their cars, who stay there all day and never move on. A few have plastic lawn chairs they put out and sit on while they smoke in the smoking area. People must be on disability or receive some sort of assistance, so they stay and stay and stay. The car camp I stay at has no limit to the time you are allowed to live there, in the parking lot. You just can’t pitch a tent, and no RV’s are allowed. They need us to move out on Sunday so they can have their regular church-goers park, in time for church at 9:00 am, I believe. They like us out early and I never stay around to see if everyone actually moves their cars or not. We are told to park them on the street until 1:00 pm Sunday after church activities are over.
I thought about why I’m here. Born and raised in California, I migrated to the midwest, after a child was born that I really didn’t know. Her father battered me and I got away from him, and spent many long years alone, fighting to protect my only daughter who doesn’t know me today. Was it worth it? I guess when you’re trying to mother a child that wants her mother but the father keeps interfering in a custody battle he must win, in order to retaliate to the mother for wanting to leave him because he was violent, among other things, it was an attempt to get my child to safety; my safety.
I went to court several times without a lawyer, and that was key at the time. They didn’t recognize us parents who went to court without an attorney. I joined groups to help me write the legal documents I would need because I had no money to pay for an attorney, and attorney’s aren’t good at protecting children in the first place. They don’t get the concept and they don’t do the work to help a parent trying to escape domestic violence. I went to a shelter with my child but it didn’t last long and she was lost to the father who had been friends with the attorney who frauded the documents making it look like I signed away full and sole custody of my daughter. Of course that wasn’t the truth; he just made it all seem that way. Without getting into all the details, it was a horrid life.
The long and the short of it was that as I came to realize I was alone in life, the family who I’d grown up with did not support me, really, I did know I had a god of my understanding from my 12-Step program I was part of for many years. It was not the real God of Jesus Christ. It was where I began saying the Lord’s prayer without feeling angry. It was a starting point for me to begin to accept there may be a true god, but I was not at a point of knowing God. As an atheist then, I was respectful of the Christians and I did not fight against what they had to say if they mentioned anything Christian. That’s more than what a lot of people get as far as respect today if they are Christians. It seems there is so much hate and blame directed at believers, but that’s for another blog post.
I went through two or three churches trying to gain strength over many years, and winding up in the midwest was a hard step for me. I had gone through churches where I had no understanding about what they teach: some were speaking in tongues churches where I fell to the ground quite a few times not knowing what was happening to me. Some might say I had been “slain in the spirit” and it was all quite crazy to me. Hence my gripe about the churches that teach those things. I can hear the preachers now; “Glory hallelujiah, let’s all fall to the ground and begin to crawl like dogs and bite each other on the necks!”, laughing like hyenas and saying the spirit really is really heavy on poeple tonight, or something like that. I didn’t go to that extent, but I did fall a few times, more than a few, and I didn’t know what it was all about. Nor do I want to know. That’s just an example of what I went through in churches in years past, before I really knew God.
The way to God is not through magical experiences where you may be afraid, but through the continual, consistent, reading of the Word. Get some understanding about what you’re reading before believing anything you hear in church. Church’s vary widely in what they teach and believe. You might as well get some really good understanding by comparing what highly recommended pastors might say online. Follow good examples by pastors who have learned; they study the word taking seriously what they teach. They have you new converts who don’t know what to follow and don’t know who to reach out to in mind; they are carrying the Word of God with them in their hearts.
John MacArthur and Justin Peters are two good ones I can rely on to hear the truth from. They are not Word of Faith, nor Faith healers, Prosperity or Law of Attraction people. Those are not really teaching the Word of God. They might be little gods in their doctrine, trying to impress, become more popular and want to guide you. You must beware: there are many who want a following of the “sheeple people” who won’t study and do what it takes to learn the true gospel, and they might want to carry the flesh too far, gathering you in to the worst places, wanting your money, your recommendations, your adulation, your worship of them. Look the Jesus Christ, the One True God; not man for guidance. He is good and the light may shine for you through the reading of the bible. I read the KJV; only the King James Version, for those of you who want to know.
I’m especially watchful now that I know I went through years of spiritual darkness, that had deleterious effects on my life for far too long. I want to pursuade you to know the truth. Stick to the truth teachers who are not far from God in their walks; they really know Him and are not teaching the wrong thing. Otherwise, you might come under the effects of a wrong doctrine and wrong way of life.
You might never escape the clutches of Satan’s demons, who, when you want to know God, will come tear you apart. I’m just warning you. A sister in Christ would do no less, truthfully.
I heard a great teaching last night on who Christ died for. He died for “his elect”, not for the world as has been taught for so long in churchs. I, myself, had felt confusion because one person says to share the Word with people, and they make a decision to come to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. This is what I thought was the truth. Then someone came along to burst my bubble and I learned something new.
Pastor John MacArthur, in his Grace To You video entitled, “For Whom Did Christ Die?(Selected Scriptures)”, explained that God chooses people that Jesus watches over. We are chosen. Christ died on the cross for his chosen people’s sins, not everyone’s sins in the whole, wide world! At about 20 minutes into the video, Pr. MacArthur starts making it clear, that Jesus did not die for the whole world. Then at approximately 36 minutes, he shares scripture, from the book of John. This is the one that hit me the hardest:
I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine. – John 17:9
Jesus prays for “them which thou hast given me”, and this seals the deal for me.
John MacArthur goes on to explain how we get our belief from God. We wouldn’t be capable by our own humanity to believe in the Lord Jesus. So this tells me that we couldn’t believe on Him, without His gift of belief, of growing our faith, of being the author and finisher of our faith, as it says in Hebrews:
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:2
So as a child while I was not told about the Lord Jesus Christ, I had no way of learning about Him, of hearing His name spoken in my household among my family members, so He cannot come to a child’s heart, when the parents don’t want Him in their home. That is why I couldn’t believe on Him as a young child growing up, and it only was when I was harmed beyond control, that I came to God. That I felt I needed Him, to stop me from going into a suicidal black darkness in my life. I had enough faith to go to those 12-Step Recovery meetings, but I had no knowledge of His Word.
One way I can help others find God is to publish my thoughts on how I was conformed to His Word, and late in life, after having an atheist family to grow up in and never having the Words of the Lord Jesus Christ spoken at my home. I missed a lot and I hope I can help someone understand Jesus better and who He really is.
With new information over time, I have come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior who has saved me from death. I have come through many sad times, scary times and stressful times. After learning who the Lord Jesus Christ was, I knew I had been on the wrong path for many years before I finally Came to Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.
Many mistakes have been made from the Word of God being changed. He has gone through a metamorphesis many times from the strange ways people have described him throughout the years that I have heard: he “has a sense of humor” was a favorite of the 12-Step Recovery Program I spent time in, from about 1974 or 1975 through about 1993 or 1994. I studied a lot of the literature and spoke at many meetings. At one point I held meetings in my home, in Fairfield, California. But this wasn’t satisfactory to me, no, not really. I still had a deep place in my heart that had not been healed.
Before that I had gone to a spirit-filled church, or so they called themselves, where I learned what “speaking in tongues” was. Now, I don’t believe that any more, but as a baby Christian then, if you could call it that, I needed to know more about who the Lord God was, and not the showmanship of those who yelled out strange words during a service that I didn’t understand. It scared me back then, making me afraid. I had no idea what that meant and I dread that this is still going on in churches today and that these strange words come out of people’s mouths to add to the confusion of what’s already out there when it comes to knowing God. Not many are telling the truth; they are grandstanding, instead.
As a child I was taken to church maybe two times, by my grandmother on my mother’s side. She was a Methodist. I visited her when I was very young; I must have been four or five at the time. Looking back, it seems I was that young, because whenever I did visit her, she didn’t say much to me and then she would take me to church where I sat quietly next to her. Nobody explained a thing to me; a small child at such a young age who wouldn’t have understood who Jesus was or the point of the sermons. I didn’t understand a word they said.
That is why I think it is more important than ever, that we rightly divide the Word and share it with others. They may not be ready but we should not allow those who are wrongly saying what Jesus is or did, what He meant, or any wrong teaching publicaly especially. I know how it is to not understand what is going on during a sermon and how you can be afraid and confused, letting Satan punish you all the more for wanting to come to Jesus.
It is a big mistake to learn those fantastical tricks of the trade, thinking you’re appearing to be special and of God, when you’re only confusing the people, teaching them wrong things, especially concerning signs and wonders, only to appear great.
Filling the pews isn’t the point. God had a message and reason, and still has, for sending Jesus to earth who preached the gospel to the poeple. He was not focused on seeming to appear “magical”, to do tricks for the people, but only to get them to hear the Word. That was the point of His coming. To hear the Word is the point.
Hearing, then believing.
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. ~ Romans 10:17
That is the orderly way He taught. He is a God of peace and order; not confusion.
For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. ~ 1 Corinthians 14:33
I didn’t want to hear that God was a peculiar man up in the sky speaking in tongues, to add to my confusion. I wanted to seek Him.
I was driving home one night last week and I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude in my heart for the Lord Jesus Christ. It was at night and I grabbed my microphone I keep handy in my car for times such as this when I feel moved to record something to either keep, and remind myself later to do, or I have something overpowering I need to say and record it.
This was no different, and grabbing my hand-held tape recorder with a microphone that is easy to speak into, I did record something that became words, and more words, growing into a profound few seconds that I cherish. I knew it had to be from God. It was a profound sentence to me that hit me at a time that I needed to know God was real, and who was with me that night, a special message to me that gave me inspiration traveling as a Christian through life.
A life of living far from home, with no one that I really knew, who might care about me living in a van, driving at night to get somewhere who might have an accident, or the car might break down, or anything could happen to me.
Here is it below, click the link, and may you find some inspiration in the short recording of the words I had been given that needed to be expressed to others.
Today, being that it’s Sunday, I spent some study time of the bible with God, enjoying it very much. I read from Luke today about how Jesus’ healed on the Sabbath, and how salt is not good when it looses its flavor. We are to be the preservation of society’s good character and hold fast to the Lord’s teachings. After my study, I went to get something to eat and enjoyed my lunch in the parking lot of a store.
The store is Grocery Outlet, where I shop a lot. It’s prices are about half that of other grocery stores so I go there regularly. While eating my lunch in the parking lot I saw the usual “gang of seagulls” wandering around an empty section of the parking lot where some of the birds actually sleep on the parking lot. I guess they are confident they are safe, and that no cars will harm them.
As usual I saw birds that were extra confident, walking up toward my van and making very loud “cawing” noises, opening their beaks wide, I suppose in a show of strength. Loudly a bird eyed me and kept walking up toward my van. Imagine how this looks; a seagull walks up to a Dodge Van Caravan, yelling loudly at me, or in my direction, boistrously telling me that I’m in his section of the parking lot! It caught me humorously, and I began to video tape him.
Here is the link: A Seagull Approaches Van Wanting To Be Fed
I’m a little worried about all the people I know who are misled into thinking that Jesus appears as a “cloud of smoke”, or that Jesus’ joy consists of “laughing for hours” because his joy is so strong and other “manifestations” that people report about being special to God, being of God and having that “anointing” that is so strong and powerful that they become spokesmen for a certain church or belief.
And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead. (Luke 16:31)
I wonder at how long the Lord will contain Himself, watching these ministers who spout miraculous healings, or Words of God that they receive, speaking in tongues all over the place, even teaching their flocks to “speak in tongues”? My grief is that so many people will follow these preachers, not reading their bibles, and walking with Christ, but walking after these “signs and wonders preachers”, instead?
Won’t people be grieved to find they are not “known by God”, they have been too naive and trusting, to be led by preachers that have to have “signs and wonders” at their churches in order to prove that the Lord Jesus Christ is there? Who do we follow, man or God?
My experiences in various false Divinity Schools has shown me that these “signs and wonders” teachers turn into leaders into the “miraculous”, that they are not followers of Christ, but of man. Every “miracle” is not necessarily of God. We are going down a slippery slope to believe that every “impartation, vision or sign” is automatically that of God. Satan is a deceiver, who will lead people away from believing on the Lord Jesus Christ.
Who needs signs and wonders to believe? Why is it that they must preach in signs and wonders in order to prove faith?
Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe. (John 4:48)
Who today supplants their faith with the need to see, or experience, signs and wonders? Faith is believing, sight unseen.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
I recall someone saying, the Jews needed signs and the Greeks needed logic. How about blind faith? You hear the word of God, and you believe?
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17)
People are too young in the Lord to really believe Him, without resorting to “proofs”. Keep with your faith, do not be side-tracked into thinking that Jesus will perform special magic tricks to prove you believe.
We cannot be turned from the truth about God, we must hold true to the bible and our faith. God doesn’t need to show Himself in weird phenomena, He gave us his Word and that is enough. We cannot let false teaching invade the church. I offer a link to a message about seducing spirits by John MacArthur.
The problem is, these false preachers lead people away from Jesus, to follow them. They amass quite a following.
I must say it is a mental phenomena, to me, that so many would want a following so badly that they would look for signs and wonders to invade their churches, just so they can excite or impress people, grow their “flock” and maybe become famous.
Look how many preachers seem to enjoy getting that special Word from God, thinking they are more special than others, so that they get that special message from God, and decree that you will have this or that. I am tired of the showmanship where it is no longer about God, but about them. These men and women of God who practice “little god” doctrines, who want all eyes to be on them, but not on the Lord Jesus Christ. They play at being a “god”, because they want all the adulation, are self-seeking, ego-seeking and not of God.
I ask, who played at being a god, but was thrown out of heaven?
For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders that would deceive even the elect, if that were possible. (Matthew 24:24)
I’m watching a disturbing video about how people are led to believe that Jesus is, and what he does with people. It is very disturbing, talking about the Jesus Culture, in this particular video. People shake, laugh for hours, see smoke in the air, and they call this a manifestation of Jesus. They are looking for “an experience with God”, and sadly they are being misled. They are not discerning the true Spirit of God.
I was once part of this popular culture of spirits, of demons, really, which are the seducing spirits God talks about. Spirits that led me to believe that I was being “slain in the spirit” for some strange reason. Talking in tongues of gibberish, meaning nothing, not knowing I did not have to “hide” my prayers in “my prayer language”, so that Satan wold not understand what I was saying. My prayers are heard and understood by God. I do not need a special “prayer language” so that God knows secretly, what I am praying, so maybe this will protect my prayers from being understood by Satan. Is Satan a threat to the Lord Jesus Christ?
All I can say is, wow. I didn’t know we had such an unmighty, unvictorious Savior, like Christ who was raised from the dead, came back to walk the earth, and then ascend up into Heaven where he sits at the right hand of the Father. Do I need to hide my prayers for God to be safe enough to understand them so that Satan will not hear? When did Jesus overcome Satan, then? Was it not the truth that Jesus has already been victorious over death, and that after a time, Satan will be no more on earth?
But fire came down from heaven and devoured them. And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.” (Revelation 20:9b-10)
Looking back, I see with great sadness how people want “the experience”, and, like a drug seeker who wants that “high”, and an altered state of experience, they are still seeking the seducer who calls them back, to relive that “special encounter” they are having with (a) god. It is not Jesus. It has become the broad highway, going in the opposite direction of the straight and narrow path that few will follow. Who are you following?
I have more to say about my studying, and becoming an “ordained minister” in a few of these places, which I do not aspire to use ever in my life. I reject the counter-culture I see in various churches I have attended, schools I have graduated from as well as churches I have attended. I reject this “touchy-feely”, “unity spiritual” and “encounter groups” I have been a witness to, unfortunately. I have seen the truth through the eyes of Christ by reading my bible every day, and leaning on Him to teach me through the Holy Spirit’s opening my eyes while I read and study His Word. I am hoping you do, too.