Whenever I find it is time to find a new job I like to think back on how I started the job; the feeling I had when I first began and how people treated me. Often I find that someone in the group was more needy and demanding of my time, who I felt was a bit too clingy, almost stalking me, really. A lady I worked with who was a Chemical Dependency Counselor like me at the time would come into my office after group when I tried to write my notes for each client who had attended my group, and she would be quite chatty, talking about what I felt were superficial things, like what decorations someone put up on their door to their office.
At that time I rode a bike to work, not having a car and felt kind of funny about that. I was a grown woman who did not want to ride the bike and would loved to have owned a car at the time.
One night I realized that after group, I really needed to take the bus home and load my bike on the front nose of the bus, and I was really tired of being cornered by this lady named “Mary” never taking the hint, a rather obvious “hint”, after saying I had to get my notes done before I went home. I felt she was disregarding my need to get my work done, thoughtlessly talking on and on about her mom’s health and what she wanted to cook all the time, and I felt she was a bully. She was selfish, ignoring my need to get my group notes completed and would not leave me alone.
One evening I simply threw my notes on my desk at work and went home, not stopping to talk with her and just walked out the door of the office building. We were the last two there and I knew she would lock the door. She had group notes stacked up in a basket she had not done and I guess when I left she would leave, not having me to assure her that she was funny, engaging, and super special to me. I would fake these things so that I would be accepted in a group at work, although I wanted to get along with everyone so I could get my work done, and fly under the radar.
It backfired. They would only seek me out to provide counseling services and psychological food for them to feed off of, draining my energy. If I revoked my free affirming their wellness to me, they would become angry, often stalking me in a way of demanding I pay attention to them.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7
How did I become so blind to my own creating a monster? I believe I was a nurturer from way back, nurturing my mother when she felt needy in her marriage with an alcoholic spouse, leaving her feeling hurt and maybe alone. What did I know, I was only a child but I was groomed to be an emotional provider for my mother, not knowing how it happened.
This also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working. – Isaiah 28:29
Now I don’t want the role and would only like Jesus to help correct this situation for me, helping me to reflect on how I start out being nice, but then get snared into a trap set by the person to use me for their own personal needs. People learn to like me because they can see what harm they can cause me, running me out of a company, then they have the power to do it to someone else and it never stops. They feed on the wrong things in life and won’t do well if God decides to return for His elect anytime soon, which I’m hoping He has on His agenda, but we will never know. We don’t know the day nor the hour, only the season.
I hope I have made an impact on someone who may have the same issue: who gives and gives and gets smashed by it. We need to protect ourselves in the world, and be wise, looking to the Lord for guidance.
As a chemical dependency counselor I should have known that being nice to someone can mean life or death for someone, for their emotional energy. They turn around and feed of me, acting like I am a drug. They need to fill the void with something, someone named Jesus who can fill their needs better than I can, better than anyone can. I only need to know how to protect myself long enough that I can get into a place of prayer and call upon God to show me the way with a person. We all need to seek His Counsel. He is the best psychiatrist anyone could have.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17
For me, it will probably take a lot of undoing of old messages I grew up on, no longer being that “old self”, because we are new inside when we come to know Jesus who changes us to become new creatures in Christ, and we begin to see people the way He does, and begin to value their souls. I need to make a new attempt at getting space and setting boundaries from people, but with God’s precious guidance at the ready, letting Him lead and trusting Him in every situation.
(Since I see how I could have written much more for this blog post, I may want to come back to it later. It sure is interesting, and I can find much more to say about this issue; getting boundaries around unhealthy people.)