Intrusive People Are Boundary Violators

office bulliesMy gripe is always the way people treat me that have no sense of personal boundaries, who intrude and come across as being very invasive.  

People breathing down my back is really upsetting to me.  It seems that people do not have patience these days, to wait in line, to allow another person to leave before practically pushing them to leave, what is up with that?

Here is an audio about my experience at the YMCA while I was dressed and leaving the shower area.

I guess I’m a more genteel lady; I wait my turn in line, I don’t rush people, I stand by understanding they have to gather their things to leave.

I don’t try to rush people while they’re in line at the grocery store, I don’t run my cart into the back of their legs, I don’t drive aggressively taking up the safety space behind a car in front of me, I don’t rush into a gas station, leave cash on the counter ahead of other people waiting in line while I shout out how much gas I want in what gasoline pump like I’m someone special who deserves to take cuts in line.

That reminds me, for years I’ve noticed that white men in pick up trucks, you know, the big F150’s or some big trucks like that, really are aggressive drivers.  I call them, “white men in a truck”, because it seems to be a mental disorder with these guys.  They are the knuckle draggers I keep talking about, the uncivilized jerks of the road who I can’t stand.  They drive aggressively and dangerously, seeming to think that by driving up to the bumper of the car in front of them that the car will automatically move over and let them by.  

I don’t do so, however, and take my time as if I were out for a Sunday drive, knowing of course, that they will become more angry and do something stupid.  They always do, but I remember having a conversation with someone years ago who asked me what I thought about having to move over and let an aggressive driver by.  We talked about enabling them to act that way, as well as safety issues including our own.  We decided to deal with each issue as it came up because we did not want to put ourselves or anyone in danger but we protested the pushing around of still more of these men who like to push people around, and in life, as well.

God has a way of reaching me in these situations now as I get close to Him.  I was not a believer then during that discussion about mean drivers.  These days I feel a spirit of peace where I am surrounded by the peace and love of God so that it didn’t matter to me if I moved over to a slower lane or just stayed in the same lane and let the mean driver go around me.  It’s almost as if I’m protected in an emotional bubble and He will never leave me or forsake me; after all, that is a verse in the bible, one of many that makes the point of not being afraid, God is with you always.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6

And there’s the times where I no longer am afraid to speak my mind to people.  Where did this confidence come from to stand my ground during times where I would usually wilt and let them walk all over me? 

The Lord has taught me to not be a slave to any person, and to feel free to live life to its fullest.  I do not have to be afraid.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

I think the Lord has taught me that I don’t have to tolerate anyone’s mean behavior, and why don’t I stand up to it?  

Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. – Psalm 112:6-8

Tonight I did a shift change with the person who’s shift I was taking over, actually relieving him so I was going to be on duty.  I arrive a little early as usual, then waited in my car, so I would be on time and not too early.  The last time I did a shift-change with the guy I was a little too early so I could get the key to open the bathroom and put my uniform on.  I drive a long way to work on Saturday nights, and so I like to wear comfortable clothing until I get to work.

He ignored me, seemed to not speak, then when I returned the key and said to him, “hey, how’s it going?”, he shunned me so I knew he was being deliberately rude and shunned me on purpose.  Nonplussed, I went about my duties, let him drive out the gate and then I closed it behind him, but I knew I may have some problems in the future with him acting this way because in week’s past he had been congenial enough.  I suspected he was kind of a snake in the grass though since he seemed very superficial with me with a big smile on his face, seeming to think I was just a dumb older lady.  He’s about in his early 30’s I would guess.

Getting back to God’s teaching; I waited in my car until the time got closer to my going on shift.  He tapped on my van windows but hid, because when I looked around to see who was tapping on the van I could not see it was him, and I thought I would continue to sit in my van looking at my cell phone and scrolling through messages until it was time to go on shift.  He tapped on my van window again, this time in the front by my driver seat window where I could see him clearly.  I opened the window and he said, “I’m leaving now, okay?” while he dropped the keys to the office where we work inside my car window near my lap.  The keys fell onto the floor in my van, and I said, “no, you’re not off duty yet” and “is there any pass-down you need to tell me?”, to which he walked off.

I tossed the keys out of the van window making a point, saying again, “you’re not off duty!”, not liking what just happened.  A moment later I got out of my van, retrieved the keys, and got my stuff out of my van and walked toward the office door.  He was standing by a pickup truck that had the engine running, just standing there.  He didn’t look at me but was looking forward at the gate.  He waited for me to ask again, quite loudly so he would hear me this time, “is there anything you need to tell me for pass-down?”  He walked toward me, not saying anything, then stopped, pointed to a building, waiting a moment to drag it out, then he told me an alarm had gone off but not to do anything about a panel with indicator lights, it had already been called in so nothing had to be done.  I told him, “you know, I didn’t like your tapping on my van, don’t do it again.”  And then I went into the office and put my things down while he drove through the gate.  I then closed the gate after him and went about my business.  

When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever. – Proverbs 10:25 

But this is how I felt I needed to say something, let it be known how I felt, correct him and tell him not to do that again, so he would believe me.  I’m not some older woman he can push around.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. – 1 Corinthians 16:13

God empowers me to use good judgment to get my point across to a person, instead of letting them put me down, or cause me hardship by the way that they act.  I feel like I’ve been through this before, always taking the cue to let them be that way.  Now I feel bold and strengthened, as if God is pushing me on, making it right.  Without Him, I would be nothing to anyone, someone easy to push around.  I don’t think God made us to be that way.  

So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. – Galatians 4:7

As many have said, we must remember who we are.

Boundaries · Christianity · Enemies · Everett, WA · Washington state Believer · Wisdom

Enemies Can Be Forgiven Through Christ: Also Be Wise In The Midst Of Wolves

Screenshot 2017-07-29 at 4.33.57 PMAs I went driving around I thought I’d take some video of the Everett, Washington area.  I no longer live in Everett, but I come up here to go to the library and wait until I have to be at work up north in Mount Vernon, tonight.  In case you’re wondering, here is the video I took:

Everett drive, see building where I used to work.

In this video I enjoy seeing where I felt stuck, at a job that didn’t pay much.  I look in my surroundings and feel as if I’ve been left behind in time, that it’s not the place I want to be.  It feels a little behind the times, and I’m more of a modern, city-dweller and I want to live in a modern area, with modern, more sophisticated people.  It’s more my environment.

More people in cities I’ve worked in seem to have a more comfortable enviroment that I enjoy.  People are busy and can be friendly and seem to not have to stare as much, whereas in smaller towns where the people don’t really have much to do stare a lot more and seem to have nothing on their minds but what you do.  They are intrusive, and that makes me very uncomfortable.  

As I thought back to places I’ve lived, as an atheist, I felt more comfortable where people let you walk around, down a sidewalk, or in a store, and I felt anonymous enough to feel free.  Otherwise, in small towns I have felt like somethiung’s missing; a boundary line between me and them.

I’ve written before about how I’ve felt stalked and by “immediate intimacy connectors” who seem to feel I owe them something; my time, my appreciation, my acting like I like them.

What losers.  It’s hard to get rid of them, but they’re a good example of the barnyard, small town animal type that I cannot get away from.  They come for me like flies.  I guess I’m too nice and accomidating because these people seem to think they own me forever but I’m learning how to get free of them almost immediately and give no thought about it.  I’ve talked about satan and how he likes to hurt us and cause us pain through other people’s behaviors, as if he were punishing us for coming to Christ.  I am a Christian believer and I want everyone to know that, even enemies from my past.

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. – Luke 6:27-28

I do think we are to love people, knowing that even the worst people can be redeemed by Christ, and I also think we are at the same time called to be wise, which means that we don’t give up our rights and freedoms to people who think they own them, and us.

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves. – Matthew 10:16

Too many people seem to forget this verse, and they say we have to be kind to all people.  Well I tell you that if I’m ever faced with a life or death situation, such as someone’s pointing a gun in my face, I will fight to the death.

That is being wise as a serpant, to my mind.   

12-Step Programs · Birth order · Christianity

Family Birth Order: We Should Not Be Catagorized This Way

flowersHere’s another audio tape I recorded after I thought about birth order patterns while I was driving and it seemed so important to my thinking about how satan hurts us in families that I recorded it.

Audio: Thoughts About Dysfunctional Birth Order Identity

As a former member of Al-Anon, an offshoot called “Adult Children Of Alcoholics” where a parent was an alcoholic that caused families to become “dysfuntional”.

There is a whole theory about birth orders of children and they are given names according to the order of their birth.  In this theory, the first born is the “Hero”, the second born is the “Scapegoat”, the third born is the “Lost Child” (this was my birth order), and the fourth child born is known as the “Mascot”.  Each child is given a certain set of characteristics about how they relate to people.  20150421_194247

My point in this is that if satan has a role in creating this theory, it makes us easy to manipulate, since we become like labelled identities, put into similar roles according to our birth order.  This must make it easy for satan to harm us; if we are so alike in dysfuntional ways that are catagorized, satan knows how we will react, he knows how to control us better, I think.

However, if we have strength being in Christ, we don’t have to go into these roles; He shows us the steps to take, we learn appropriate ways to react that work for us, and we are not so similar in how we relate to people.  We have the identity God gave us and can perform how He made us to perform.  Satan does not have a role with us the way he does when we are unbelievers.  I would rather be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ any day and be the person He made me to be.


Christianity · Faith · Jesus Christ

Walking With God

20150422_140415Sometimes it seems I do my greatest thinking while I’m driving my car.  I often talk out loud as I’m thinking, asking the Lord Jesus Christ about what to do in any situation.  It seems to spur me to think about my life’s priorities, and then if I don’t figure out a way to record my thoughts like jotting a note, I will forget what I said and the clear as a bell insight I get when I’m saying it to the Lord.

Today I figured out how to position my cell phone on the cell phone cradle that’s attached to the fan and heater vents in my car, turn on the voice recorder, and start talking.

Here’s the recordings about the people I care about who don’t know God, and my feelings about them.  I am concerned about how many people on the earth do not know Jesus.

No one else can find Jesus for us, we each have to make this decision to get to know Him, reaching out to Him sincerely, asking to know Him.  No one else can believe for us, we have to walk with Him, ourselves.  That may be a scary thought to some, but really, He makes it very easy and I am so glad I made the decision to find Jesus, for myself.

Here’s one that is short, and an audio while I was driving:

Today in the library as I’m typing this blog post, I was surrounded by people of other cultures; muslim, with the head covering to my right, and to my left, the sari of an East Indian woman.

How could God create all these cultures, but they do not know Him?  It begs the question of whether I should just start talking about how I blog about Jesus so they know someone cares, or whether that will scare them away.  Interesting concept, but it would bring these people closer together.  I did not say anything to either of them, but smiled in a friendly way while typing on my blog.  This is interesting to me now that I think we are in the End Times, so close to the Lord’s returning for His people, His “elect”.

How would you react?  Would you start sharing Jesus with total strangers at the library, or just feel guilty that you said nothing?  After all, if I’m so concerned about how many people don’t know Jesus, why aren’t I taking action publically?  I guess this is the Holy Spirit’s conviction in my heart, but I still feel that if people aren’t ready and are not asking about Him, they will not respond in a way that they will keep reaching for Him, so that they will be saved.  

Avocation · Belief · Christianity · Income · Jesus Christ · Washington state Believer · Witness for Christ

Living My Life God’s Way

Green Lake, Washington. Photo: sleboeuf @

So many things have been blogged and articles written about money and earning a profit.  A Christian blog might be just about money and how you work with the Lord Jesus Christ in making money, enough to feed a family.

Many people’s lives, especially those of us who grew up as unbelievers, make unexpected turns somewhere along the line and they wind up doing different things in life than they had hoped, or planned for when they were young. Some of us even had no plans at all when we were in our 20’s, and let the wind blow us where it would.

Letting the winds blow us around his not the best plan for life is not the best plans for us; having God in our lives will give us the best chance at having a successful life, if we watch for God and pay attention to go where he wills us.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. – 1 Timothy 6:17

20150422_135908My problem is, now knowing God at this point in my life where I’m a mature adult, I’ve missed the years I would have relied upon the Lord Jesus Christ to direct my path.  My life took many turns I did not want and honestly, were extremely painful, but now at least I have a chance to walk withe the Lord and improve upon life.  I’ve had to cut back and give up on a lot of things; a career as a Mental Health Clinician and moving on to become a Licensed Clinical Psychologist.  I did not want to fail at life, only become successful as was the promise of attending college and finishing graduate school, and partially finishing a doctorate degree.

That was the hope at least, what the world taught but yet that did not satisfy my want to be a helpful person, to truly help someone.  I like supporting other people’s dreams, yet I have some of my own that have gone unfulfilled and I’m wanting to do more in life while I have it on this earth.

Many of you have probably contemplated creating your own business and working for yourself, independently.  I can think of no better dream when it comes to earning income. But we have to pay our bills, and making a transition to owning your own business may take some time to work for another company while you plan your business and see it launched and become productive.

In their hearts humans plan their course,  but the LORD establishes their steps. – Proverbs 16: 9

The bible says the Lord determines, or directs, our steps, and that’s the way I plan to go. It’s hard going at the pace I’ve been but I’ve learned to “wait upon the Lord” and He will come to my aid.

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. – Psalm 40:1 

I’ve got myself into a better position financially, at least, but living in a car or a van is not something I would recommend over the long haul, pun intended.

I’ve got a long way to go, but every day reaching for my goals in life to feel happy about my living situation gives me joy.  I can see the progress and I know that the Lord is involved. My plan is to keep working part-time, then do something I want and enjoy doing for income.

If you’ve got to make room for something new in your life you may have to give up something to make room for whatever the new thing is, such as rehoming a cat or dog which takes time and income away from a new, struggling business venture.  You may have kids or have obligations such as taking care of a spouse.  There is no time to give it thought, taking care of other things so that there is little to no time of making decisions on shaping your life to increase income by owning your own business.  Cutting back on responsibilities can leave time and space to perform new ones.  I have to know what I’m willing to do, and that’s wait on God.

What do I ask God these days?  I have financial difficulties and I’ve lived the gypsy life moving around the country and from job to job, seeking better pay or better people to work with.  A better avenue with God has opened up.  I work for a nice company that’s part-time, giving me enough time to blog.   The hope of building a better life through blogging and other forms of communication gives me great joy, to finally have the life I want.

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? – Luke 14:28-30 

I believe in my heart that Jesus has said I should use what’s fun and I have the skills to do, and make money off of my writing ability, because I believe that God gave me that strength for a reason.  Owning a company would provide time to think about the Lord Jesus Christ and work with Him on my writing.  

I have thought about the things I think He would need me to say to a dying world.  Who needs to read His Word, maybe who has not read it in several years and wishes take a vow to always follow Jesus, and to reawaken their desire to please God?  And what issues do we face in today’s world?  I think all Islam is a real big issue that has to be addressed.  He’s teaching us, His people, to reach out and then tell the people about God’s love for us in that He offers everlasting life in heaven and with Him, instead of punishment for the rest of time.

As a new Christian, a relatively new one, my guess is that I must wait patiently upon the Lord.

Green Lake, Washington. Photo: sleboeuf @

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. – Proverbs 21:5

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.
– Proverbs 16: 9

My priorities are, to seek God first, and serve Him always, no matter if this means I give up all my possessions and follow Him. Isn’t this what the bible says when Jesus told the rich man that he was to sell his possessions, give to the poor, and follow Him?  (Matthew 19:21). If we are to find Jesus we must want to remove all other priorities from our lives, and seek Him first and try the best we can to find Him, daily.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.         – Matthew 6:21

He said that if we seek Him in all earnestness, we shall find His love, and I have from my heart.  

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. – Matthew 7:7-8

He is here with me now, real, and ever ready that I find Him when I seek and pray in all earnestness, to my savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.  

Christianity · Faith · Media company · Protection · Van dwelling · Washington state Believer

God Is A Wonderous God

driving to Kirkland library christianviewToday while driving home, or rather, to the library near the car camp where I park every night in Kirkland, Washington, I decided to shoot some video.  Since I drive so much, being a van dweller, videotaping would make the drive more productive and add interest to my site.  It’s a new area that I drive in with my new part-time job as a temp Office Administrator and driving in new neighborhoods is especially fun.  Taping it makes it funner.

Driving to the Kirkland Washington library

While editing the video at this little table I’m sitting at, at the library, makes me feel like I want to rent a studio; just a little room somewhere where I can lean back in my chair and talk if I want to, without anyone walking by to look at what I’m doing.  I like my privacy and listening to people, including children, talk during creating a video and blog post seems disturbing and it is all too public.

I work the weekend, and this will add to the budget.  Have you ever wondered how you will get to where you want to go without the funds needed to get there?  

I think of these things often, how I will survive long enough to build that media empire – well, maybe a media company – of what size I do not know, and keep the dream alive until God calls me home.  After much prayer about this and discussing these ideas with God, I’m not sure what He has in mind for my life.  I know the rapture may come soon, but here we are having to live life to its fullest as best as we can, walking with God holding our hands and trying not to whine about what I want to have and what I can’t get right now.

Heaven will be much better and I know it’s worth the wait.  In the meanwhile I hope to carry the message of the Lord Jesus Christ in my heart every day and I hope and pray that more people will come to Christ that I see on my daily drives to work.  How must they feel knowing they are alone in life, working on dreams and goals, facing hardship at leasts some of the time I am sure, but hoisting the weight of these desires on their shoulders and aimlessly flailing around trying to fulfill some worldly goals without help from the Lord Jesus Christ?

Today I noticed again, a time when I would have felt so out of place, exposed, and even uncomfortable with people around me at the gym who seem to want to make eye contact and stare a little too long while I’m busy doing something else.  It’s very distracting but I notice that at times I feel God has surrounded me with a wall that protects me and neutralizes these stares so that they do not bother me.  I am amazed at His love and how He protects us if we but ask.  I wanted to write about this new development because it’s making it easy for me to walk through things that do not seem to effect me the same way as they used to.  For that I am glad, and I give thanks to Him, for He helps me in ways that I need help.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. – Isaiah 41:10 (KJV)

As I plan for my future, each day seems to bring joy and happiness because I know the Lord and He is my savior.

It seems He has helped plan my days each day since I start out in the morning and end the day on a high note with His guiding me.  Many problems get solved in my day from learning from God, or His ministering angels, how I should handle each situation.  If I need to plan how to get more exercise in my day He helps me walk through this, beginning with something easy since I am discombobulated and no longer live in a familiar area.  It’s hard to find my way around when I have to find new stores, laundromats, YMCA’s, and other things I normally do each day.  And every day is a new day in that it’s getting easier and funner.  I find my health has improved, I have more energy than I had six months ago, and I actually have some time to read the bible every day like I did when I lived up in Everett, Washington, when I knew my way around.

It’s hard living as a van dweller, space is cramped and I miss having a desk to hold a computer and I like showering at home, but it’s okay now that I know God is leading me.  I feel protected and in His Wonderful Hands.

Avocation · Belief · Bellevue, WA · Blogging · Christianity · Counseling · Difficult people · Employment · Faith · Jesus Christ

Walking Video: More About Why I Don’t Work In Mental Health

Snapshot 1 (7-19-2017 4-31 PM)

Today I found myself walking in Lake Hills GreenBelt Park, in Bellevue, Washington.  Getting used to my new camcorder, a Kingear, that I was able to buy from donations for this site: thanks, you’re awesome, guys!  

You really help me progress, giving me hope and making me think that people will read my blog in the first place.  I pray for your continued success writing, and in whatever else you do!  

But what I was thinking about in the last several days is how I may use my counseling skills in a new venue, to earn a living in a way I want to, that I feel I am created to do.

Video walking in Lake Hills GreenBelt Park

Of course I am in prayer about this daily and I feel God has led me to create this blog.  Writing has always been a strength and something I’ve liked doing.  My reports as a Mental Health Clinician and Social Worker always got me pats on the back.  Those were what I was given credit for the most and the most consistently.  Some of us are writers, some are talkers, and some paint, some create music or sing with beautiful voices.  We are not created all the same and so finding my way to a life led by God is what I enjoy praying about and seeking.  

Finding our avocation, doing something that suits us and earning a living from it is what I’m very interested in learning about now.  I don’t want to do the work I’ve been doing, that’s for sure.  It’s boring and it does not use my skills.

Why have I gone off my path and for so long?  When did I decide to be worldly, working in a worldly field, depending on mankind to tell me what was right and wrong?  Why let man tell me what I should do for a living to be valuable, or successful in life?  We’re not all made to be accountants, ya know, or doctors, or lawyers, officers of the law, or school teachers.

God is developing me; I know this.  He has a way of letting Himself be known to those who love Him, seeking Him out every day.

So in my video, the link is posted above, I talk with God while discussing with you out loud why I don’t want to work in the Mental Health field any more.  Even with better pay, I don’t feel it’s the right match for me.  I have thought about this before and even created a little video here where I talk about not wanting to go on in working in Mental Health.  I may have said some of the same things, I don’t know – it was months ago.  Where we belong in life is best decided by God, trusting in Him to show us the way.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. – Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)

Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the Lord thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto. – Deuteronomy 15:10 (KJV)

I’ve lived in my car for over four months and I am deciding that God has a plan for me, and I will search for it with all my might every day.

I know He would want me to be happy.