About me: I was a mental health clinician among other professional roles I've held in year's past until I decided to follow God, who is the most important thing to me. I am also known as Teresa Manning.
So, on my journey taking the hand of the Lord God Almighty walking me through the perils of life; and for that, I am blessed, I found I would not move in with another landlady/landlord who was unkind or unpleasant to me.
They seem to take me for granted, acting as if I am shady. I happen to have become a permanent employee where I’ve worked as a temp for the past six months, and how am I a shady lady? I don’t understand that.
This last landlord who I was going to move in with did not understand that here in the state of Washington, also California I might add, that if you move that your driver’s license can still have the same old address of where you used to live, even though you’ve moved. She called me a liar because of my old address.
Although I later informed her that my address has been updated on the Washington state driver’s license website; I just didn’t want to go to all the trouble of getting a new one quite yet, being not sure whether I wanted to stay at Patti’s or not, she still called me “not mature enough” to understand why she didn’t trust me, and like a shot out the darkness she called me a liar and so would not rent to me.
Okay, I thought. How does she have it on her radar, not asking me about that? Just jumping to the conclusion that I must be a shady character like there is no explanation for having an old address on my driver’s license? It simply shows I was too lazy to get a new license or was too busy, or it might be cost-prohibitive, or one of several reasons I have an outdated driver’s license but it has my picture and date of birth on it? I’ve had to register with my social security and date of birth to get that license, so how am I shady?
After all, I told her I just moved into this other place and was unhappy about the noise and many other things, so have given my notice to move out. If I’m not sure where I want to live, why should I go to all that trouble of taking time, money and energy to get a new plastic driver’s license? Sheese, I’ll be there may be millions of people in America who do not update their driver’s license information.
Well, I’m a liar I guess, and immature, according to the lady who calls herself a Christian.
How funny that is; I can’t seem to have a normal conversation with many of the landlord’s I’ve corresponded with. I just want to get on in life.
I’m making a change in my life yet again while praying to the Lord that I am doing the right thing. I pray to the Lord Jesus more now and have not kept to reading the bible each day as I have while living in the van. It seems living in dire hardship made me desperate for the Lord and in reaching out to him strongly every day. I am grateful for that period of time in my life since it brought me closer to his strength, power and comfort. I was not afraid and not anxious.
I was angered by the inconvenience of living in a van but then I was grateful that there had been a way for me to relocate to where the better jobs are and that my temporary position will be a permanent job soon. My company is doing a background check on me and that is all that needs to be done before I am on permanent status with a pay raise. This piece of my life seems to have gotten better and has been a very important part of my survival.
Last night I met a Christian lady about 20 minutes up the freeway from where I live who will rent a room to me for $300/month less. I am wanting to move; Patti seems harsh and unfriendly when I want to talk to her about something. She dominates the conversation, not really listening in a kind way, it is setting the boundaries, hers, in stone, that effects me in a negative way as if I am a slave in this house and have no rights to talk with her about how the wireless doesn’t work well with my laptop.
Or as with last night’s unfriendly confrontation, she wasn’t believing that I really had to leave when I was rushing out the door on my way to meet the lady who will rent a room to me. Patti wanted to talk to me about the wireless/cable connection as I was leaving and had made an appointment for the cable man to come out this afternoon without asking me if I were going to be home to let him in. She asked sarcastically as if I had nothing ever to do, “oh, are you going to be late? Do you have to be somewhere?” I answered yes, and I had an appointment and I had to go, then shut the door behind me.
I feel uncomfortable here and the rent is too high for what works for me in this space. So I met Bonnie, who seemed to be more socially-conscious and a Christian who will do nice things for the renters. She has one Christian male renter, age about 48, a grown son, a cat and a dog. She must be nice having animals in the home, I hope.
God works in wonderful ways. I can move out of Patti’s into a Christian friend’s home since she feels like a friend to me already. I will travel further to work but will be earning more, so won’t work the overtime as I have in the past, so the drive will make up for the time I worked overtime. The trade-off is okay. I may buy CDs to listen to in order to worship the Lord during the longer drive. I am very grateful for this and how God mysteriously puts people together who care about Christians in a respectful way.
I found a video that I watched a few years ago of Justin Peters talking about being a teenager with Cerebral Palsy. He talked about why he thought he should be healed; a neighbor explained to him that it was God’s desire that all people be healthy and healed of whatever their ailment was. This testimony of Justin Peters is moving, and greatly enlightening; a warning in this real world of ours in its present day.
I am listening again to this video and have not gotten far enough along in this second listening, to know if this is Justin Peters video where he goes into more detail of attending Benny Hinn’s TV healings which is a saddening witness of how people are being led into the false doctrine of slaying in the spirit and healings being performed on the whim of Benny Hinn’s waving his hands in the air to push people down onto the floor. Boy, what a show he puts on, but let’s not be fooled by false teachings. These put people down for not having the faith to be healed. That is preposterous! Jesus made it so easy for us to believe. It is not a hard thing to do, just believe as much as you can in sincere faith, as best as anyone can.
In fact, Jesus does not tell us that we have to jump through hoops to believe in his being the Son of God the Father, of being God in the flesh… he does not teach us to control the weather like Gloria Copeland teaches, he mentions nothing of the kind. This is just an example of what Justin Peters expounds upon in his teachings, and so excellently!
The wrongful interpretation of scripture, this WOF “culture of the occult” that the neighbor taught him about, led Justin Peters to believe he did something wrong, that he didn’t have enough faith in the Lord, and that he must have had some unrealized sin.
Nora Lam was the first Word Of Faith (WOF) healer that Justin was led to when he was just 16 after the neighbor convinced him that he could be healed. I searched for who Nora Lam was and found a Christian forum group online with one person who seems to lean toward wanting to know more about her healing ministry and mentions that a movie called China Cry is about her. Guess where it is found? On the TBN Network, of course! Stay away from TBN, if you want to be a true follower and believer in Christ. They follow all kinds of strange doctrine including the “Little Gods” doctrine.
Justin Peters refers to Isaiah 53:3, is being healed from sin, not the physical healing that so many Word Of Faith preachers claim it means.
Reading further from the Christian forum, I found one comment, in particular, that is argumentative toward Justin Peters’ teachings. This person wrote, “Most people who didn’t receive their healing is because they don’t believe in the first place… Depends on people’s hearts…” That’s the same, old, tired argument we hear over and over again, that is supposed to explain why Christians die from one thing or another. Like God is going to intervene in each and everyone’s prayers to be magically healed or brought great wealth by praying for it. Now think of prosperity preachers, and let that sink in. Isn’t it the same as asking for healing, expecting to be healed and be rich?
You want what you want, and say it, and God gets the permission to grant it to you, right?
How absurd! Some preachers teach that God doesn’t have permission to answer prayers until we pray for something!
This is like praying to a Mechanical God Who Has Strings Attached To Our Controlling Hands. Like a marionette, he answers prayer when we Pull His Strings, right? Isn’t that the God we pray to? No, is the answer.
This may be the reasoning of “fleshly wisdom” that we find from WOF preachers that falls short of God’s wisdom. James 3:15 says, This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. Read from James chapter 3 if you want to know more about WOF, the boasting tongues WOF preachers seem to have and not taming the tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison, of both blessing and cursing. This should make you cringe upon thinking of what the WOF teachers are saying. It speaks about the dangers of having worldly wisdom.
We might learn something from this Marionette God theory that is of the WOF preachers that is clearly wrong. Just because we pray for something does not mean we will get it. Paul prayed many times to have his thorn removed, but he was told that His grace was sufficient for him, so even Paul the Apostle did not be freed from whatever the thorn was that so pained him.
2 Corinthians 12:7 says,
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
Maybe the Apostle Paul knew so much about God that God decided to pain him with a thorn of some kind so that Paul did not become arrogant. It happens to people, you know. In 2 Corinthians 12:5 we read, For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. Does this mean that He does not know which of his children suffer and give no answer? Christ Jesus’ Spirit lives in our hearts and is known as the Comforter. We need Him as much as we need Christ as well as our Heavenly Father.
So shall we say that Paul the Apostle did not have enough faith to be freed from the pain of the thorn that God gave him? If Paul did not have the faith to go through all the trials and hardship he went through even becoming close to death because of lack of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, then I’ll eat my hat on that final day of God’s Judgment! I don’t know how to say this more strongly, Paul the Apostle prayed that this thorn in his side be removed, after preaching the gospel and carrying on the words of Jesus, yet some Word of Faith adherents would tell us that the Apostle Paul did not have faith enough to be healed of it! What blasphemy!
God is not Santa Claus. He is our Redeemer, and that’s what He’s about – in fact the whole Bible speaks to this, His saving grace, our need to be saved from sin. After all, being created in the beginning showed us that Adam and Eve ate from the wrong tree, remember? And man’s being fallen after that, our need is to be saved from death caused by sin. We need a Savior, and that is Jesus Christ.
Sometimes God has other reasons for not healing someone. He sure brought Justin Peters along to become a great teacher warning us of foxes in sheep’s clothing. His WOF teachings are immaculate, using scripture to prove he is right.
God uses people however he wants. We must always seek Christ in all that we do, and learn to rely on Him for all our needs. Please don’t be foolish and take the WOF movement seriously as the Gospel. Read, read and read the Bible some more. Compare what Justin Peters says with Biblical Scripture and don’t be fooled!
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. ~ Joshua 1:9
As I sit here, talking to God and thinking about the times I had in the van while living day to day all cramped up sitting for hours in the front seat, not having anywhere to go, I look back on those times as being closer to God than I’ve ever been.
He comforted me when I needed it the most, and helped me get through the day not knowing where my next paycheck was coming from. Not knowing if I’d have enough gas for the day, or eating food that was going to sustain me for the night without going hungry.
It was a time of cramped and public living in a van where windows were where people looked in on me while I read in the front seat, looking at me while I sat in parking lots not knowing where to go in the daytime, sleeping with the windows covered up with blankets hanging down over the windows being pinned up and draped over bungee chords that were threaded through the handles over the doors. I was a mess then, literally scrambling over the front seats, at first, to get to the back portion of the van with about a foot of space between the cot and the porta-potty I would open up so I didn’t have to use a porta-potty I assumed almost everyone else had to use, in the middle of the night. I had my dignity to protect.
I had the passenger front seat removed where I put shelves and all my junk I had no room for toward the back of the van. It was an obscene way to live with a bed fashioned on top of a cot, right there for anyone looking in my side windows to see. The windows were tinted, but not dark enough to keep out the stares of the curious people who wanted to see how I lived.
Privacy was hard to come by, and even at night I had head lights that shined in the corners and cracks of space of the windows that I couldn’t quite cover completely. I had drapes of various kinds and if I hadn’t been living in a parking lot with a bunch of other homeless people living in their cars, it would have been noticeably strange. It was a very undignified way of life in every way, even though I felt God pressuring me to stay afloat mentally, psychologically and emotionally. He was there with me, all the way. I couldn’t have gone nine months living in a vehicle without God.
Reflecting on this tonight and working tomorrow as if I’ve lived in a house all this time, is really strange. It’s being shell-shocked and yet happy to be alive. I have survived. Now to get normal, again, as if I ever was. I see how living as a Christian brings you more close to God, and so you see how you were a wild child, in a manner of speaking, perhaps living like a weed in God’s eyes. I think he knew I would want a normal life someday, but that’s another story. I worked hard, all for naught. Now I have another story that is beginning. I have a dream, as Dr. Martin Luther King once said, famously…
I ponder how I wasted years of my life to wind up homeless, and this wasn’t the only time I became homeless in life. There are more stories I can share, but at another time, but I have come face to face with the reality of living in a van, then living in this room in someone’s house, then possibly owning a home of my own in short order, would be ideal.
Looking back, I can see how much work I did just trying to remain normal, but being homeless and in a lot of pain.
How did I go to work every morning, all the while being homeless, living in the van, with the insect screens draped on both sides over the windows, reminding me at all times that I was a homeless person, working for a company where no one knew I lived in my van, driving to work every day and parking in the parking lot of the company I now work for, having a manager asking about the window screens, and my having to answer him? It all felt extremely awkward. I felt like I lead a double-life and no one knew but it was harder than anyone could imagine, really. It would have been an embarrassment of a lifetime, being that I was a temporary employee, to let them know I was living in the van I drove to work in, getting out of the van every day as if everything was normal. Just me showing up for work like everyone else. It was quite the struggle.
And looking back on all that I’ve had to realize that I’ve made a huge transition to living in a home from living nine months in a Corolla, then a Dodge Grand Caravan, to now living in this bedroom in some lady’s house?
Looking back at my having been homeless when I started this job has been an amazing transition. I may be going permanent. It looks that way, at least. A manager is going to ask my temporary agency I work for when my temporary contract will let me be freed up so that I could go permanent with the company. Now that’s progress, all within a few month’s time.
So I know God’s involved, very much so. He loves me like a father would who cares about how his daughter winds up. That’s a lovely thought. Take care of me, father God.
No one knew. I didn’t tell anyone at work that I had been living in my van, although I wanted to. I fantasized about telling a few women who had been friends early on while I was temping at the company that I was homeless and living in my van, but then I got afraid of how I would ever live that down if I wound up not liking the people, then feeling embarrassed that I had told them. But that’s too complicated a tactic for God, I think. He wanted me to go about my business as though nothing ever happened.
I look back on the time that I had to get cleaned up for work and all that I had to go through to get dressed and ready with hair, makeup, and breakfast, all from a van. It was quite incredible and maddening, all at the same time. But I did it; I came through it, and now it’s over. It’s living in the past to think about it now and I’ve moved on, quite rapidly.
It’s like I’ve flown out of the gate in some race I was held back from. The gate was opened and I came flying out and now I can’t look back; it is a painful memory, and I am only able to think about moving forward from it these days.
I’ve started another website that I have not published and I may have to think again about how I want to earn income if it were to become my business while living in this lady’s home. She has her own way of doing things that do not compliment my way of doing things, so I’d like to get out of this living situation that I saw as only temporary and get into a house of my own.
I have dreams of living a nice life, not one where I work for a company that sees me as merely an average office worker, but one where I own my own home, and build a business that I’ve dreamed of, working from home every day, happily, feeling fulfilled.
It’s time to catch up on life, and with God’s help, I will.
I’ve been away from my blog for about two weeks and just thought I’d get back to write up a blog post. This is going to be quick.
I am transitioning from being homeless to living in someone’s home, and my van is still not unpacked yet and I have much to bring in and get organized in a bedroom I am renting. It’s not a clean house but the lady is the same age as me, so I am not expecting wild parties anytime soon. That’s great. But her grown sons keep coming over to mooch dinner and cable TV movies off of her. They’re in the house a lot and must have their own keys or she keeps the door unlocked when she’s home for them to come in. This morning while on my way out to work I found the front door unlocked. This doesn’t make me feel safe.
I want to move soon and I will have to give a 45-day notice to move out since I signed a six-month rental agreement with her. She is subleasing to me with the landlord’s permission but her boys could practically live there and sometime’s one spends the night.
I would love my own home since this is the not the place I want to wind up. If I get my business off the ground, and if I charged any money for anything on my website I’ve not yet published, I may earn enough income to live on my own somewhere. I realize a lot of people have this same dream; to buy a house and live there for a long time. The economy is getting better after a slow rise from the 2010 mortgage banking crash where everyone lost their homes and stood in unemployment lines. Many lost their houses and some smaller mortgage loan banks folded. Remember “too big to fail?” Well, that was why. Some of the bigger banks made it through that time like Chase bank, as I recall yet some of the smaller banks didn’t make it. That seems harsh, but I have yet to pay back the student loans that have accrued since 1996 and beyond…
I guess I can’t cry over spilt milk as they say but I want to get on a financial budget and plan on saving my money so I can move out of this place, and find a new, affordable house I can buy with a loan I can afford while I pay back my student loans, and gradually. I know many people face this same dream, and are in my same reality having to budget, plan and make dreams come true.
I’ve learned a lot with God’s help; I’ve quit the bank that charged me a high overdraft fee and found another bank that has high APY rates, and it ain’t Wells Fargo or Bank of America, for God’s sake!
Listening to God in my heart who nudges me along this road, saving, spending less and really thinking about what I need and planning ahead. Making changes to my car insurance company and lowering my cell phone bill are small changes I’ve been making to live within my means.
We’ve got a glorious God to be thankful for, who patiently waits for us to catch up. He beckons, at least that’s what I think…
So I’m again speaking against those false prophets, which are deadly sin, in their words against God and who are trying to rise above the Lord Jesus Christ. Beware! They are leading you into sinful ways of life by following the doctrines of darkness.
Let me help you come away from those false prophets, and who speak falsely about God’s gifts. Jesus performed miracles and he was the only one who was and is the son of God, who performed miracles, along with his Apostles and a few friends who were followers of God as a way to authenticate the beginning church.
They were being informed about how Jesus saved them from their sins and how they should stop practicing sin through the letters and sermons of Paul the Apostle. The church of Corinth practiced pagan feeling states, and he warned against them.
This tape expounds my thinking about the pagans of today who are trying to perform the miraculous, and who are gaining a following in order to elevate themselves, and who turn their following away from the Lord Jesus Christ.
There is so much focus on the miraculous, speaking in tongues and the visions, dreams and magical thinking of paganism, the people following the flesh into sexual immorality, bizarre ideas about romanticizing Jesus, or other sexually immoral, bizarre, strange fleshly ideas of our Creator.
As they did when Jesus walked the earth people are seeking magical experiences and bizarre fleshly experiences, and are not focused upon the Words of the Lord. As they did then, they still are doing today.
Here is my audio recording with my thoughts about this.
It’s been five days at least since I last posted a blog post. I wanted to continue speaking about tongues and sign gifts and how they are no longer active today using John MacArthur’s study bible notes.
I taped this audio file and then did not have time to upload it until tonight. I hope you enjoy it.