At times I wonder how my old clients are doing: are they still clean and sober? Have they gone back to using drugs or alcohol, and what have they learned in their lives? How many may have “found God”, and come to the Lord?
In treatment, they were asked to learn about the progression of their “disease”, and spend time looking at their triggers, past history and learn to identify what caused some to use drugs and “self-medicate” to cope with their suffering. Many grew up in families where drugs and alcohol were used, and many grew up where families were non-supportive of their dreams in life… I can relate to that issue, not being supported by family.
It does cause a great amount of pain, to not have good family relationships, to not feel cared about by your siblings and parents, just a taker-upper of space, a “useless eater”, a person that goes unknown, and needs food, clothes and a place to stay for the night.
The inadequacy of drug treatment always bothered me. We had plenty of people seeking treatment, often mandatory drug treatment ordered by a judge, who knew nothing about what “treatment” was being offered.
The counselors were not always the best people to work with and many had drug and alcohol issues they were recovering from, themselves. They had been clean and sober for a required time but often were not old enough to have really made progress in their own drug treatment to offer someone else who paid for services, or who had their drug treatment paid for by “the system” somehow. Many counselors were just not bright enough to really understand what clients were going through, being ordered into treatment, but yet not wanting the treatment. They wanted to stay out of jail, but often would cheat the system, often covering up for having used by coming up with an excuse for why they were absent, or rushing out of the building saying they forgot they were to stay to get urine tested.
It is hard to keep track of all the clients we treated. So many needed more quality time with a trained and mature counselor than what they got. The counselors I worked with were very unfriendly and seemed to stick together in clicks, never being supportive in making time to discuss clients or ask how the other counselors were doing. It seemed they did not care; it seemed like they were busy making themselves important to their clients and caring more about the status they were held in by clients and managers, but were not the real people I would expect to work with in a treatment facility.
When I had to go into treatment in my Master’s degree program, I was required to spend at least 40 hours receiving counseling by a licensed therapist so that I would know what it was like to be in treatment. It was to better serve my clients. I would have a better understanding about what that therapeutic relationship was like and what questions it brought to me about what my goals would be, how I would work with another person, how I would know when my goals were met, and what I wanted in my therapy treatment. It brought up lots of questions in the relationship alone for me, and so I know that when a client has a counselor, there should be a special relationship built, and that takes time, trust and learning on both sides. How well the counselors were growing in their own personal growth was unknown. How many stayed stuck in their sophomoric ways? How many cared enough to really be true to the growth that they had, needed or wanted?
I have a lot of things to say in my reflections about the work I have done. I feel I did not do well for clients, in that I did not have a Christian perspective then, at least for the majority of the time I spent working in mental health and drug treatment. I feel a loss of what could have been done for my clients, had I known Christ.
It’s been interesting to find myself looking for another job. Job-seeking seems to be an activity I have been doing on a regular basis for many years. My background and education is in mental health and counseling, social work and even University faculty teaching. Here again I’m not working in those fields and it’s hard to sell myself as an Office Manager type. I’m not finding a whole lot of success these days, although I’ve relocated to a better area where I may find those jobs.
I’m not really an office worker so I want to build on something that I already want to do, which may relate to this blog in some way. I like owning a business, I owned one years ago in the midwest, forming a 501 (c) 3, and finding a way to reach out to people in need and use my social work and counseling skills along with making changes as needed to the organization. I never got paid but we used donations toward various projects we were working on. I did it out of my heart, as a way to fill what I thought was a great need by many suffering people out there who needed help. It almost turned into a social service agency.
I do my best when I am in charge. I’ve noticed that when I am in charge and have the authority to make decisions I do rather well. I also enjoy the respect I garner in that role in a company, however, as a general office worker I often find I am subjected to insulting attitudes, as if I were a dumb animal of some kind. I recently left an Office Administrator/Manager position at a software company for this reason; the Manager started insulting me and was being mean and angry toward me all of a sudden so I resigned. I won’t name the company, that may be in bad form, but I’ll say I may go on http://www.Indeed.com where they discuss how well they liked working at a company and there’s also http://www.Glassdoor.com. They better watch out, I may decide to write about them but will pray about this first. I want to warn others about what happened, that’s all. But it pays to take the high road and not argue or buy into his bad behavior. It only makes things worse.
The reason I believe that the Manager got mad at me was that I found that the company owed a creditor over $42,000.00 since last year. They didn’t know about it, and when I informed them in a professional manner, it was a few days later that the Manager who I had worked with in a professional way began talking to me in derogatory ways, such as making sure that I would not mail a check “in the wrong envelope” or “send it to the wrong address”. Making an issue of this, obviously to insult my intelligence. I looked at him, stunned, and brushed it off as if to say, “I won’t send it to the wrong address”. With a master’s degree and having worked on a doctorate degree, I was dumbfounded. I can read English fine and I do well with mailing a letter, no warning me is necessary.
I believe it was for this reason, that he felt embarassed that this large debt had been accrued on his watch and under his supervision; that whoever worked there before me may have submerged the details from the Management or the accounts payable/receivable departments were also not informed to watch for this bill, as I had been directed to contact them for. Maybe she didn’t do that and maybe he didn’t correct her enough for her to know what to do with the invoices from a law office, and find a way to scan it to all the people I was told to scan those to. It seems a long time, from November 2016, to not know you had accrued that amount that needed to be paid.
And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. ~ Matthew 10:14
So I resigned, and here I am, looking for a job that has long-term potential, where I will be happy to stay a long time and not have to deal with employers who are unreasonable or insulting to their good employees. It has come to mind that not returning to a toxic environment is wise. I had the weekend and then called off “sick” on Monday to reflect and regroup about this situation before resigning. I prayed about it and asked God what to do. A verse came to mind that a dog does not return to its vomit, and to not make the same mistake twice by going back to a company that is not treating me well. It doesn’t work for me, it seems to have gotten worse each time.
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. ~ Proverbs 26:11
Due to past mistakes of trying to return to a company after a time off, where I prayed about the outcome, it only got worse. This tells me that it wouldn’t have gotten better at this job, the employer has too much power and being a temporary employee would not have held enough status to make this Manager feel he had to be on his best behavior. That is why when I have the authority, I do better. I need to create a job for myself, and that is why. I believe Satan has held over spirits that have been trained to keep making things worse on the job for me over long periods of time.
I used to think it was me causing all the problems, but in each case I could not answer the question of why it was an employee that turned so hatefully against me. I felt that I was being above-board in all my dealings with the employees at each company. I cannot decide why these things happen. Is it Satan’s way of trying to keep me financially unstable?
After all, I have tried many things to try and make things better, such as speaking to a person who is mad at me for no explained reason, and have not had success. They just enjoy making my life at work more unbearable, being disrespectful, not acting reasonably. Ignoring my attempts to speak with them, or avoiding my attempts to start fresh with them. I can say many times I’ve given them the benefit of the doubt, trying to passively stay out of their way and avoid them politely which seemed to make them want to stalk me and make my life uncomfortable. Some were trying to dominate me which I did not fall for. Every way I tried to handle the problem, they seemed to outwit me by getting away with their bad behavior, often in subversive ways that no one could pin point on them. Like scattering papers around on my desk, pulling documents off my desk so they disappeared, filing wrong documents in files to confuse me when I returned to my desk because I could not find forms or cheat sheets I had in files for my convenience. Even talking to a supervisor never worked. The office bullies and toxic behaviors are accepted, it seemed to be my problem.
I notice that not all people have these things happen and seem to enjoy their work, never being the victim of stalkers or mentally ill people having instantanious connections with you after meeting you that you are not aware is happening. I’ve had these problems with near-strangers all too often. I think Satan is involved. That or I attract these mentally ill, toxic people because of my magnetic, all accepting, fantastic personality, or a sign on my back says, “give me a hard time” that I don’t know about. I feel so targeted.
Someone told me about the electronically induced electromagnetic weapons they are using on people to make them act that way. I don’t know what to think. Is it me, is it Satan or is it electromagnetic weapons that are harming me through these people? Nobody can know for sure unless you are God. I’ve decided to let God lead, and I feel a desire to have a company that I can hire a few good people, part-time, and make good money using my skills in media. That has always been fun for me after the early days of having internet radio available online. It was a great time back then but it was hard; many problems and issues caused me to get into those groups where I would provide the internet radio for a cause I was heavily involved in. Those were the days. It was about the only thing I did in life that I really enjoyed at the time.
As a Christian I have prayerfully asked the Lord what he has in mind for me. Do I go ahead and work long-term for another company while I build up a company of my own? It seems I feel guided to only work part-time, and build a company I want to work for, and be the boss of. I can work more flexibly that way and enjoy the ride. Otherwise I can work at the whim of an employer that wants to subject their employees to unfair treatment and punishment for unknown reasons. I don’t want to leave myself open to feeling victimized by such people. Even though I have a graduate degree, they still think they can do what they want because they rely upon thinking that we will remain a victim to their bad behavior.
Today I found myself walking in Lake Hills GreenBelt Park, in Bellevue, Washington. Getting used to my new camcorder, a Kingear, that I was able to buy from donations for this site: thanks, you’re awesome, guys!
You really help me progress, giving me hope and making me think that people will read my blog in the first place. I pray for your continued success writing, and in whatever else you do!
But what I was thinking about in the last several days is how I may use my counseling skills in a new venue, to earn a living in a way I want to, that I feel I am created to do.
Of course I am in prayer about this daily and I feel God has led me to create this blog. Writing has always been a strength and something I’ve liked doing. My reports as a Mental Health Clinician and Social Worker always got me pats on the back. Those were what I was given credit for the most and the most consistently. Some of us are writers, some are talkers, and some paint, some create music or sing with beautiful voices. We are not created all the same and so finding my way to a life led by God is what I enjoy praying about and seeking.
Finding our avocation, doing something that suits us and earning a living from it is what I’m very interested in learning about now. I don’t want to do the work I’ve been doing, that’s for sure. It’s boring and it does not use my skills.
Why have I gone off my path and for so long? When did I decide to be worldly, working in a worldly field, depending on mankind to tell me what was right and wrong? Why let man tell me what I should do for a living to be valuable, or successful in life? We’re not all made to be accountants, ya know, or doctors, or lawyers, officers of the law, or school teachers.
God is developing me; I know this. He has a way of letting Himself be known to those who love Him, seeking Him out every day.
So in my video, the link is posted above, I talk with God while discussing with you out loud why I don’t want to work in the Mental Health field any more. Even with better pay, I don’t feel it’s the right match for me. I have thought about this before and even created a little video here where I talk about not wanting to go on in working in Mental Health. I may have said some of the same things, I don’t know – it was months ago. Where we belong in life is best decided by God, trusting in Him to show us the way.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. – Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV)
Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the Lord thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto. – Deuteronomy 15:10 (KJV)
I’ve lived in my car for over four months and I am deciding that God has a plan for me, and I will search for it with all my might every day.
Whenever I find it is time to find a new job I like to think back on how I started the job; the feeling I had when I first began and how people treated me. Often I find that someone in the group was more needy and demanding of my time, who I felt was a bit too clingy, almost stalking me, really. A lady I worked with who was a Chemical Dependency Counselor like me at the time would come into my office after group when I tried to write my notes for each client who had attended my group, and she would be quite chatty, talking about what I felt were superficial things, like what decorations someone put up on their door to their office.
At that time I rode a bike to work, not having a car and felt kind of funny about that. I was a grown woman who did not want to ride the bike and would loved to have owned a car at the time.
One night I realized that after group, I really needed to take the bus home and load my bike on the front nose of the bus, and I was really tired of being cornered by this lady named “Mary” never taking the hint, a rather obvious “hint”, after saying I had to get my notes done before I went home. I felt she was disregarding my need to get my work done, thoughtlessly talking on and on about her mom’s health and what she wanted to cook all the time, and I felt she was a bully. She was selfish, ignoring my need to get my group notes completed and would not leave me alone.
One evening I simply threw my notes on my desk at work and went home, not stopping to talk with her and just walked out the door of the office building. We were the last two there and I knew she would lock the door. She had group notes stacked up in a basket she had not done and I guess when I left she would leave, not having me to assure her that she was funny, engaging, and super special to me. I would fake these things so that I would be accepted in a group at work, although I wanted to get along with everyone so I could get my work done, and fly under the radar.
It backfired. They would only seek me out to provide counseling services and psychological food for them to feed off of, draining my energy. If I revoked my free affirming their wellness to me, they would become angry, often stalking me in a way of demanding I pay attention to them.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7
How did I become so blind to my own creating a monster? I believe I was a nurturer from way back, nurturing my mother when she felt needy in her marriage with an alcoholic spouse, leaving her feeling hurt and maybe alone. What did I know, I was only a child but I was groomed to be an emotional provider for my mother, not knowing how it happened.
This also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working. – Isaiah 28:29
Now I don’t want the role and would only like Jesus to help correct this situation for me, helping me to reflect on how I start out being nice, but then get snared into a trap set by the person to use me for their own personal needs. People learn to like me because they can see what harm they can cause me, running me out of a company, then they have the power to do it to someone else and it never stops. They feed on the wrong things in life and won’t do well if God decides to return for His elect anytime soon, which I’m hoping He has on His agenda, but we will never know. We don’t know the day nor the hour, only the season.
I hope I have made an impact on someone who may have the same issue: who gives and gives and gets smashed by it. We need to protect ourselves in the world, and be wise, looking to the Lord for guidance.
As a chemical dependency counselor I should have known that being nice to someone can mean life or death for someone, for their emotional energy. They turn around and feed of me, acting like I am a drug. They need to fill the void with something, someone named Jesus who can fill their needs better than I can, better than anyone can. I only need to know how to protect myself long enough that I can get into a place of prayer and call upon God to show me the way with a person. We all need to seek His Counsel. He is the best psychiatrist anyone could have.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17
For me, it will probably take a lot of undoing of old messages I grew up on, no longer being that “old self”, because we are new inside when we come to know Jesus who changes us to become new creatures in Christ, and we begin to see people the way He does, and begin to value their souls. I need to make a new attempt at getting space and setting boundaries from people, but with God’s precious guidance at the ready, letting Him lead and trusting Him in every situation.
(Since I see how I could have written much more for this blog post, I may want to come back to it later. It sure is interesting, and I can find much more to say about this issue; getting boundaries around unhealthy people.)
My job ended today at my job site. There was no reason given by the client at the site I worked for. Everything seemed okay, until another security guard showed up telling me he was being trained for 40 hours at my site, and would be taking 32 of my hours, another eight of my friend’s who works as a security guard there, too. So we were puzzled as to why this man named Anthony, who was very nice and neatly dressed in his uniform, would announce he is going to be placed at the site I’ve been working at for eight months, usually getting plenty of overtime, as well.
I couldn’t understand, why was this happening? My emotions ran wild; I was very stressed by this man’s taking my hours, and I knew this meant I was either getting fired, or would be placed at a new site.
I sought Jesus, asking why this was happening. I wanted my emotions to calm down, for everything to seem normal, again. I had enjoyed the site however little the pay was but was making it work by living in a van, saving my money instead of spending it and working on what I would write for God here on this blog.
Well, he got the job as it was my last day today, rather my last day of work was yesterday. After a meeting with Human Resources today in which I vented my feelings I was taken off the site “effective immediately”, although the site personnel never gave our security company a reason for my being let go.
Here’s what I think; I was let go because a few weeks ago a stalker, I call him that, did give me problems at the front desk after which I walked away from the desk leaving him standing there, and when I returned a few minutes later, he was still standing there looking for me. I left again, this time going down to the basement, using a key to go in a room where I knew he wouldn’t find me and that I could vent to God and ask Him what I should do about this man. Well I got my answer, that is to be protected from this site where two or three men have been out of line with me already and so I was moved, this is my belief, to keep me away from the strange, immediate connectors who take away my dignity, finding solace in me and wanting a free ride from my emotional life.
It is draining me when I have to, no, when I am expected to, provide either comfort services, emotionally comforting those people who try to attach themselves to me, or who want me to show my appreciation for them so they return again and again, feeding off me like I’m the drug they so want in life, when I know it’s Jesus that they want, but they just don’t know Jesus yet. That is God’s way of telling me that yes, he sees that go on and it’s devastated me in the past and I cannot go on being used that way by men.
I thought more about not practicing as a Mental Health Counselor, and why I was stuck in a job that didn’t pay much and was not in my usual field of work. My background, education and training is in the Human Services fields, such as social work, therapy, faculty member and counseling. As I thought more about why I was not entering into these fields, a thought occurred to me.
Now that I am a Christian, would these fields agree with my faith as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ? My answer was “no”. And later I realized that I had to answer with a very definite “no”.
I got a piece of scratch paper and started writing down reasons that I had not thought about as reasons why I was not enabled to go back to working in my normal fields. I was not part of the mainstream any more, and my thoughts have changed about social norms and how people are categorized.
My belief will not allow me to enable people to be gay, lesbian, transgender, or any other gender identity that are so common today. I could not be a social worker in a foster family agency and support a child who wanted to be a boy but was a girl at birth. I would not support these sexual, and fluid apparently, identities. It would not go along with my faith, in the God who created all. He does not make mistakes, and to change a gender would not make God very happy. I cannot follow a social norm that takes a man and makes him a woman, or a six-year old girl. It does not make any sense and I think the field of psychology has gone wacko to support these claims of “gender fluidity” which “may change every day”, or so I’ve heard.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. – Psalm 139:14
How could I agree to support a child wanting to be a boy who had been born a girl? I think it is the social norm nowadays to follow the crowd into an abysmal fad; call yourself a girl when you’re a boy, and think it might garner some acceptance of you when you can’t make it as a boy so think you’ll have an easier time of it with people if you’re a girl? You never have to be yourself that way. It’s easy, the weirder a person is, the more of a victim they play and we have to make allowances for them.
That is my opinion. It is so easy to be the scapegoat which I plan to be, when people read my post and argue with me that gender fluidity, for example, is not a mental disorder, like it used to be, but is someone’s real self.
Don’t you notice how the boundaries kept getting looser and looser after about the ’60’s? Remember? We had men and women in those days who turned into hippies… and well, it all got messed up, what, with the fornication going on and the liberal attitudes that it was “all okay”, we all do it, and some did more than others… some even bragged about it. Then many caught diseases of a sort, many caught crabs, and many other sexually-transmitted diseases cropped up, and some were serious like HIV or AIDS.
I guess we weren’t supposed to have sex that way.
But today’s crowd get weirder and weirder, with some even identifying as a cat or a non-sexual identified person, but are more like a mannequin, rejecting the awesome way of the Lord God Almighty who created them.
My Master’s Degree is in Counseling Psychology, for which I explained, in part, why I gave up practicing this discipline in my video. I am dwelling in my van, so talked about this from a car I used to live in, instead of my office.
I gave up my house where I was living because I could no longer afford the rent. Living in a vehicle was a drastic change, but I am getting used to living in a van. Once I get office space set up inside, I will be happier.
Back to my being a counselor or mental health clinician: I came to know Christ while I was homeless in Ohio, after I traveled across the U.S., zig-zagging my way across the country years ago. I am a baby-boomer, so that must have been back in the early 2000’s.
I came to know Christ in that I began to follow Him, wanting to know Him but not finding answers. The people who knew Christ were arrogant and I did not have a chance to know much about how Jesus is with these people. Please when you come across an arrogant Christian, tell them they are not helping you to know and understand Christ. They are only out for themselves and presenting themselves as being above everyone else.
If you know Christ you don’t have to act like you know everything. Please don’t go into your supposition that if you are male, you are the leader and females are supposed to obey your words. Many of these dumb snobs are not worth following; they will only cut you down. Pretending they are superior to women is not the way to go. God made man and woman, not superior and inferior dog that follows behind. Remember that, men!
As a validating support counselor in many people’s lives along the way, I would never counsel them to accept abuse, nor tolerate someone’s putting them down. After all, they have their rightful place on earth, no man being superior to women. Just the roles are different, and in many cases women must bring home the income. They may be the major bread-earners for a family. Remember that too, please men!
Women can adapt, and use their talents and skills to become healthy role-models of families, and also be CEO’s of Christian-leaning (hopefully), corporations. Why did God give women the brains in the family? He knew that they were intelligent beings and could do a lot. Men were usually given the brawn, but not the brains, right ladies? This is not a sexist remark, only to turn the tables on what women have lived under for far too long!
It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.– Psalm 118:8
I will never submit to men, only God. That is the way He made me.