Christianity · Major road intersection · Trust in God

Feeling Steered Through A Major Intersection Into The Direction I Want To Travel

wp-image-920425371Today has been draining at my job, from what many might think would be a good thing for a homeless temporary employee. 

The employer where I have worked as a temporary employee for the past 3 or 4 weeks offered me a permanent position today and wanted to see if I was interested in going permanent for them. 

This was strangely difficult for me as I have lived in a vehicle for the past 8-1/2 months, hoping for a permanent position for quite a long time.  Finally it happens and I can’t say that I’m happy.  I felt like I received a punch in the stomach and it wasn’t too pleasant.

My desire has been to earn a living so that I can afford a decent place to live, but this job isn’t giving me the income that I need to do that.  So when the manager called me into his office to discuss whether I’d be interested in working for them permanently, I was not especially overjoyed.  I was thinking about moving into Christian counseling and had contacted someone about this at an agency near where I’m living, where I stay in a parking lot.

I was getting used to thinking about myself as not being in a basic office job and not hoping to be asked to stay at this office job permanently.  I had resigned myself to moving on after my assignment was up.  I didn’t know it had a few weeks to go since I did not know they were counting all the weeks it took for me to get a pharmacy assistant’s license before I could go back to work for them.  You see, after I worked only a few days, one of their employees asked me to leave.  Politely, but it would be impossible for me to stay under the circumstances of their employees feeling threatened by my not having a pharmacy assistant license.  They said it put their jobs at risk, and also maybe the companies. 

Immediately I left the company, not knowing what I would find fast enough in order to keep the income coming in that I had planned for by accepting that temporary position.  I had to take that box truck driving job, that took 15 hours a night driving across Washington state delivering auto parts.  That was a physically taxing job and I never wanted to do a job like that again.  This is what I had to do in order to hang on long enough financially before the six weeks were up that it took me to actually obtain the license.  That was half of the time of my whole assignment, so it seems like it is ending quickly at the end of the month.  

At the end of this next two weeks, they might buy out my contract, instead of making me wait the 180 days to go permanent without having to buy out my contract with the temporary agency.  Not knowing what will happen, my income has suffered long enough and I’m quite angry about it.  I keep having to struggle so long before I finally get ahead, even a little bit.

I am grateful for the money at this point, but it is not enough to live on.  I know I do not really belong working there; it has become painfully clear that there is something else for me, such as the counseling job I so want to have as I am qualified to do much more than this office job. 

Why be loyal to a company that put me through so much already and I barely survived?  I ask the Lord Jesus to give me the right attitude about this job and what I have to look at to make a better decision for my life than how it has been.

You see, I had taken a different direction, including making plans to start my own business.  As of yesterday I had been investigating working as a therapist at a Christian counseling agency and had communicated by email, and I got an answer from them today.

They wanted more information about the situation I am asking about.  I wanted to work in a Christian agency, earning my hours, even so, going backward from working on my doctorate degree, but knowing that what is in the world does not mean as much to me as sharing the Word of God with people.

However, as a counselor or some kind, I would be doing the work I am trained to do and earning more money than working at a temporary job, if they do not decide to take me on right away as a permanent employee at the office job, and they may not.  Now I am twisted around a bit and seeking what God has to say about my situation, and whether to stay in the office job or not.  They may keep me as a temp for the next three months at the low pay I am getting as a temp, not wanting to pay anything to release me from the contract they have with the temporary agency in order to let me go, so they can hire me right away.  I kinda don’t think so.  Why am I so special that they would want to spend extra money to buy out the contract after letting me hang out to dry for six weeks before I could come back to work for them?

I kind of get the drift from writing this that I should go ahead and make plans to do what I need to do, and not worry about them.  As Jesus once said; 

Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. ~ Luke 9:60

To add to my stressful confusion, today a chunk of money was taken from my bank account by the student loan lender which was not supposed to be taken out.  I have been paying another agency every month who has been the intermediary between me and the lender so that I don’t pay anything right now, being without a regular job all this time and living in a vehicle, homeless.  So they agreed.  But today come to find out, they took $126, which I cannot afford.  Since I am behind on my car payments, I have two car payments to pay in the next two weeks.

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” ~ Psalm 91:14-16 

I am confounded at the sudden turn of events in both my bank account and my job.  I continue to send up my prayers that I may have the right answer this time and know what to do.  I can take shortcuts right now and ask the Lord to guide my thinking in this and not have to suffer more than I need to.  

Thank you, Lord, for the suffering I’ve done.  I continue to believe and have faith in You.

But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one. ~ 2 Thessalonians 3:3 

I know that I am a strong believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and I trust Him completely.  I will not shatter; He will make this work out where I can move forward, hopefully, and finally begin to make progress in getting out of my homelessness.